Dos Compadres

I forgot to mention that my senior pictures were taken a little while ago. I hate them all except this one, which still isn't all that great.I am going to look like a retard in the yearbook. Oh well.
Didn't get to see Zach and I might not see him until the week after next. Bust.
Tonight was dinner at Pueblo Viejo's and movie night with Mom. We watched pretty much my favourite movie, "The Waterfall" then I watched one of the prequels to my favourite book in the 8th grade, V.C. Andrew's "Rain". It was great to watch them both and I really feel like heating up my leftovers.
I overwhelm myself with the things I want to accomplish and my mom put me on sleeping pills. I don't think I can stay awake much longer.
It was a wonderful evening.

That's It.

I waste my days and it's really aggrivating.
I watched 'Planet of the Apes' twice. I love it.
I have a new obsession with the sea and it's creatures, mainly the cephalopod family (but mostly the nautilus). I want to live in the nautilus house.

“Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice.”- Psalm 112:5

That's it.

1:23 07232008

I haven't felt like doing this in a while.
Well I went to see my dad on Saturday, which went okay I suppose. There was a bunch of family members there, so it made it a little awkward, especially since they were talking for him. It was terrible to see him in that condition though; he had trouble staying awake and he had the worst case of jaundice I've ever seen, even his eyes were noticeably yellow. Which kind of made me feel bad about the flower bouquet I had picked out for him - yellow yellow yellow. And all of the machines and needles and blood stains on his gown made me feel really sorry for him. I want to take him some sort of gift soon. Though, fortunately he says he's been saved, and that's all I could hope for right now. I have no idea what his chances for surviving are, but I think they're better than they seem. I have a feeling that all of my praying is going to pay off eventually.
My mom and I also did a little shopping Saturday, but I've kind of been thinking about just making some of my own clothes. I've watched every episode of Threadbanger in the past two days and there's a lot of ideas. I have also been working on a couple things that Zach needs to put on our Etsy for me. He should also stop thinking that he can't do things.
I need to start doing LTLYM assignments again. I found this cool website that I want to be a part of too called You-Are-Beautiful.com and it sends free stickers to those who send in a self-adressed stamped envelope to put in public places. I think it sounds like a pretty cool project.
Next school year, I don't want to be in the drawing & painting 2 class, but rather the portfolio class, so Zach's suggested that I make a mini portfolio this summer to show the teacher so that I might be able to skip a year in that particular program. I'm hoping it works. So hopefully I'll be posting up some new artwork sometime soon.
Tomorrow I have to make more soup and I'm going to see if I can get with Clayton to make some camo tie dye. Maybe I'll get up before 4 pm. Let's just hope.

Cool Titles Are Overrated

Pictures I took in Marco Island with my phone. I would have taken more from more places other than the balcony, but my being sick ness wasn't a big fan of that.

I must get a picture of Zach's shaved head tomorrow. Going to visit Dad in the morning in Ft. Pierce, then go to WPB for a little shopping with Zach if he gets back in time. If not, BATMAN! Yes!

I really really really really really really really really want this camera. Fisheye Holga.

I have a feeling that I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.

Lomography.com

I don't remember much of last week, aside from being with Zach and getting Shrek's tongue pierced, but this week I've been in Marco Island without acess to the internet from a computer. Unfortunately I was sick the entire time, and still am, leaving me cooped up in the hotel room all week. I was hoping to spend tons of time on the beach, but of course the weather wouldn't allow it either. In fact, the bridge into the island was closed down due to the amount of rainfall. But the dinners were good, the only time I really ever came out of the room. At one dinner I got the honor of meeting and speaking with a very powerful member of ACOA (adult children of alcoholics).
Though, while there I received a pretty unfortunate call from my grandmother about my father. He's been I.C.U. in Ft. Pierce for a little over a week now, waiting for a liver transplant. Doctors have informed my family that he's not going to make it. He's now hooked up to a dialysis machine to support his kidney failure. They say he has less than a month, maybe less than a week left to live. I really need to see him, with a Bible. I'm not really sure as to how I feel about it all yet.
There's a lot of crazy things going on. The Who is my new obsession, Courney Love my hero, a man gives birth to a baby, and batman sunglasses and a lomography fisheye camera are at the top of my most wanted list. More Etsy items; Robert Smith, Chuck Norris, and Courtney Love masks, and pictures coming up.
I wish I were tired.

Temporary

"Change. it has the power to uplift, to heal, to stimulate, surprise, open new doors, bring fresh experience, and create excitement in life. Certainly it is worth the risk."
- Leo Buscaglia


"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'"
Matthew 19:26

Misleading

Yesterday was a bad day. But today, Zach and I put up a bracelet that I finished today, one like the headband I had made. I want to make lots more. I'm pretty proud of them. We also planned out and got started on a couple of other projects.
Tomorrow is the day that I take my senior pictures and I have a terrible feeling that they will come out horrible. I really need a haircut. I'm due next month for my annual haircut any way.
There are too many things that I want to do. I feel unfulfilled.
I should work on improving my vocabulary. I miss speaking in Spanglish.

My nerves will always get the best of me.

Fatties

For the Fourth of July, I spent some time with Clayton; then he, my mom, and I went to the reservation to watch fireworks. They were pretty big, but they should have had BBQ 'cause I was hungry.

Clayton is silly. We made eachother bracelets and ate noodles.

For the most part, I've been at Zach's house ever since I got the car back on Tuesday. One day we went to the bowling alley. I wish I had a little sister too.

Yesterday I drove him and Shrek around. I'm getting low on gas, but I got free nachos out of it.

I also went to get ice cream with Cassidy and Katie before she left for Europe. My phone is fun.

Cassidy is a chef.

I'm blue.
And Katie's Katie.

This past Tuesday I went to Crue Fest with Mom, which was pretty cool minus the millions of topless women and Buckcherry. The night consisted of almost breaking my hand, beer baths, rain, getting felt up by a drunk guy, almost dying on the road more than once, more rain, not buying a tour shirt for the first time ever, stale pretzels, crazy pyrotechs and awesome lights, and old people.

Today Zach and I put up stuff on our etsy and I started on a new bracelet like my headband. Mom kept pulling out my baby pictures and showing them to Zach. Lame. I also went through my old doll chest and rearranged a couple shelves. Go here.

Tomorrow: write Zach's paper, watch "Awake" with Zach and Alli, run errands, make things.

Yay!

!

Zach posted the last one. He's silly. I know I've been putting this off, but I'll update later on tonight.

P.S. Check out http://megusta.etsy.com. Zach and I finally put up a couple bracelets. We've got tons more of ideas for other things to make. There'll be more up soon. Yay!

:)

I love Zach.

I'm Too Lazy To Write A Real Blog

“Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a disgrace to any people.”- Proverbs 14:34

Everyone's Leaving

I hate anime.

Yesterday I made this pretty cool headband out of lace, stretchy string, beads, buttons, and a silk flower. I think it turned out really pretty.

Today I made soup for my mom with tons of vegetables and some ground buffalo. It was pretty tasty.
I also took pictures of the current state of the addition. I only uploaded 3 though; I took quite a few.

There is ice cream in the freezer waiting for me to eat it.

My mother and I went out to eat last night. It was really good and it was great to get out of the house, even if it was just for a little while. It's close to being Sunday and the auto repair shop has yet to call. Monday they will be closed all day and Tuesday, my mother and I are going to see Motley Crue. I might get it Tuesday, though. I hope; I wanted to see Katie before she leaves for France on Thursday.
I've been having terrible headaches, stomache aches, dizzyness, and other physical discomforts.
I really want to watch Ratatouille, Dracula, and some partionally fictional movie about the Hollocaust and war, and make Burlesque type masks.
Tomorrow there will be another Law & Order marathon. Yay!
I really miss cooking and doing assignments.
I never took pictures of the current state of the addition; I keep forgetting. Though, my mom and I did roller skate in it today. It was terribly hot and humid out.
National Tresure is on! I love it.
I'm so awfully tired, though.

6/26/08

Yesterday I got to see Zach for the first time in probably 2 weeks. It was nice to see someone other than my mother and the men working on the house.

Last night a Law & Order marathon started and it has consumed my life since.

I had another wierd dream, this time about someone different. It was really uncomfortable.

I was thinking, and I really need to get on this Bible Study thing. I'm hoping that I can get Kristine, Katie, Cassidy, Jessica, and Megan to let me preach to them, but probably not all of them at once since some of them are going to be taking trips out of state, and some out of the country.

The guys at the auto-repair place are currently painting my car and it should be ready tomorrow. Too bad Zach left for Orlando, I think, for the weekend. I need to start being more social anyway.

Lately I've been pretty into researching chemtrails. By putting aluminum oxide and barium (carcinogens), researchers think that the government is either trying to kill off people to keep population down, or trying to keep the population able to be easily controlled. It's really scary sounding.

Hooray for USA marathons.

“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.”- Leviticus 19:18

I'm working on that.

No Bueno

My life is awefully boring. The construction workers listen to country... loudly. Zach's supposed to be coming over at 2. I've been up for over 7 hours already. It's SO BORING.

This is my self portrait for yesterday.

I still need to take pictures of the addition progress. I can't wait to get the car back on Friday.

Chewy Pudding

Dang, I keep putting this off.

Since June 12th, I have:

for the most part, stayed home, by myself.

done tons of chores.

eaten tons of spaghettios.

had a wierd sleep schedual that would make me wake up in between 3 and 4, and only have a few hours of sleep. I'm starting to sleep more now, though. But I'm still getting up pretty early.

gotten my report card. My mom was really angry that I have a 2.6 unweighted GPA (3.1 weighted). a 2.6 is what, the lowest possible B you can get? I mean yeah, I probably should work on bringing it up to at least a 3.0 (I'm guessing that's about an 85% B), but a 2.6 (80% B?) isn't worth the outrage she was in.

missed out on senior pictures. The school didn't send me anything to go, so I guess I just won't be in the year book. Bummout.

went to the mall with my mom twice. The first ended in a failed attempt to get a new phone after spending an hour and a half at the kiosk and some pretty good manicotti at Olive Garden. The second, I finally got a phone. It's pretty amazing. We also checked out Lenscrafters, which was pretty cool, too. Might get some new purple frames for the new school year. Afterwards, we went to Panera and they have a pretty good Strawberry Poppyseed salad. No chicken. Yay!

had a lot of weird dreams about the same person. After not having dreams in a year or two, I'm a bit suspicious that God's trying to tell me something.

been listening to the extremely loud construction. The addition is going along fine, but I can't use any electrical appliance when the carpenters are using the power saw; keeps blowing the fuse.

decided on the layout of my many back tattoos. I still want a really big gnarly and dead tree, representing the tree of the knowledge of good and evil; as well as a light and dark coloured bear on either side of the tree at the base, all dueling-like, that represet good and evil, as well as the two people who have influenced my life the most (one in a positive way and one in a negative way) because they both have/had the nickname of "bear"; and now I want two sparrows above the tree, one on each shoulder, holding a banner that has Genisis 2:17 on it ("but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."; NIV version, I'm not sure if I want to get the old King James version instead). I'm expecting it to be pretty amazing.

had surprisingly amazing hygene skills for someone who does not step foot out of the house for days at a time.

figured out a lot about myself. I seem to be learning more and more about who I am, and who I used to be, all the time.

worked on Kathleen's birthday gift, even though her birthday was on the 7th. It's still not done - I haven't made/gotten things to put inside it. Though, it did take forever to make this one part. I sewed the zippy part of a plasic bag to the top of it!

took several pictures for self portrait Tuesday at sunrise last Tuesday. I chose the first, Zach chose the second. I need to take some for today as well.

made a couple bracelets and started on some others.

This is all I can remember right now. I'll probably make another post today, including pictures of the current state of addition.

Woah!

It's been 9 days since my last update, I believe. Unfortuatly, I don't feel like typing 9 days worth of entries, so for now I'm just going to post Proverbs 31. It's about how a woman/wife of the Lord should be, and I've lately become obsessed with trying to modernize the verses and become this woman.

Proverbs 31
Sayings of King Lemuel
1 The sayings of King Lemuel—an oracle
his mother taught him:
2 "O my son, O son of my womb,
O son of my vows,
3 do not spend your strength on women,
your vigor on those who ruin kings.
4 "It is not for kings, O Lemuel—
not for kings to drink wine,
not for rulers to crave beer,
5 lest they drink and forget what the law decrees,
and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
6 Give beer to those who are perishing,
wine to those who are in anguish;
7 let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.
8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I Feel Like A Sea Monster

I went to bed at 7 this morning and slept until 2 this afternoon. I'm hoping to get to bed by 1 tonight... haha that's not happening.
I was supposed to make bracelets this week. Maybe I'll start on it tonight.
I don't know what I want to cook for tomorrow. George is coming home with Zach tomorrow and they're supposed to be walking over. It'll be awkward.
I got to talk to Joel last night. That was indeed epic.
I need to make money, start exercising again, and make more masks. I'm doing a series of them.
Tara will always be my favourite person. She needs a vacation, though. Here that, Tara? You need a vacation.
The past will always come back to haunt me. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, I'm not sure of, but I'm amused regardless.

It's Been A Few Days

I haven't done anything at all these past few days. I sleep all day and stay up all night.

I have nothing to say.

Life sucks.

5 hours with a ball point pen:

Interesante

Today's verse from BibleGateway.com

“The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.”- Habakkuk 3:19

FYI: This Sucks.

After doing Megan's hair and makeup for Amber's birthday party, I watched 'The Mist' and 'Girl, Interrupted' with Clayton and my mom. Watching the latter reminded me a lot of myself.
I wish my life prior to this moment could have been simpler, but I'm sure everyone else would like the same. Zach's beginning to add to the chaos. I think it's God telling me that it's time to let go.
"Test everything. Hold on to the good." - Joel the bear.
I think I crashed my car because He wants me to be more social. Seeing as I won't have a car for a bit, I'm going to have to bum rides to get out of my house, which is something I'm so accustomed to now and cannot stand being here for very long.
I become more and more surprised at the reactions of others the more I think about them. I've come to the conclusion that I will not find any compassion among any of these people who live in this world. I've decided to let my strength define me.
Joel hasn't called yet. I feel a little hopeless. I depend too much on him, but I don't feel like I have much else of physical means. By spiritual means, I feel I am abundant, but I tend to forget the feeling it gives me too easily and am quickly wound up in myself again.
I really want Yann Tiersen on my iPod. Or some melodramatic showtunes. Something instrumental. Something I can think to without my thoughts getting tangled up in annoying lyrics.

Summer Skin and Bad Luck v2.0

I just got off the phone with my new claim adjuster. Unfortunately, I was too in shock to take a picture of my vehicle. They say I'll get it back in less than a week. I'm so upset.

My room is messy. Time to clean.

Summer Skin and Bad Luck

I lost the stuffed pig that took six hours to make. A dump truck wrecked the front end of my car. Zach's gone for a week and I can't get hold of him. My forehead and shoulders are peeling.
Things aren't going great and I don't want to talk about it.

Little More Awkward Than It Seems

I'm steadily getting more and more excited. I feel like baking and making bracelets. I plan on making as much stuff for Etsy as I can while Zach is gone so we can put stuff up when he gets back. I'm also almost done with "Pocket" the sock monster.
Tomorrow I want to make cupcakes after exams. I have to take the math and anatomy exam tomorrow, and I'm not all that worried. I took the a.p. history one today and I know I passed - probably with a D. Good enough for me.
Zach's leaving the day after tomorrow. I can't wait until he comes back home with the infamous George. It'll be nice to finally meet him. I need to cook before he comes!
This next week, if I can get my car back, I think I'll try to hang out with the gang a little. It's been so long since I've spent time with Clayton. Cupcake baking and basketball sounds fun. Johnny Cupcakes has taken over my life.
I'm still waiting on this sunburn to go away and I'm getting pretty anxious. My face feels really tight.
I also need to see Cassidy, Bradley, Kathleen, and Sarah a.s.a.p.! I think I'll plan a picnic for next week. Looking for shapes in the clouds is my favourite. Maybe even some bowling in Jensen with Cassidy.
Anyway, I have to go to school at 7, an hour earlier than I'm used to. Bed time it is!

Soma

“so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.”- Hebrews 9:28

There's no need to worry about mistakes.

I got to school half way through my english semester exam, so I have to stay after tomorrow and finish it. Tomorrow is also a.p. history semester exam day and I have yet to study. I'll do it in the morning. I was supposed to go to sleep at 9.
I saw Tara today for the first time in a long time. Fun. Everything and everyone has changed and it all feels so strange in a bad way.
Zach and I are getting pretty into this sock creature making thing. I'm hoping to have my first one done by tomorrow night.
Not really much to write. I'm excited about the future, especially the near future - last day of school is Wednesday.
I'm thinking about one day going to visit Derek and re-attempt to bring God into his life. He needs it more than ever and more than anyone else I know. I feel bad for him sometimes, though I probably shouldn't.
I'm getting wrestless again. I don't like not knowing what will happen, but I guess it's God testing my faith in him. I need more mind-numbing activities.
My sunburn on my face and shoulders gets in the way of things. My jaw hurts and I have to pee.
'Till tomorrow.

Slump

In a slump. I haven't done anything of much accomplishment in quite some time. I tried sketching a few things tonight and they came out pretty crappy. I would feel so much better if I were able to produce an exact image from my mind. It's filled with embarrassing mistakes, but I still don't regret anything. I have what I need to make me happy, but there's no way of working through this slump. I probably shouldn't worry about it. Though, I envy Zach's ability. But I am glad that I've found what I want; I realize it more and more everyday.
I didn't really do anything at school Friday. Checked out early with Zach to get Taco Bell. Haven't been working on a summer Bible study either, aside from school. The days have all become a blur.
I worked on the sock creature and snuck out to argue with Andrew at Zach's Saturday. Terrible night. I hope he leaves soon.
Today I went to the Dubois Park beach with Zach and his family. I really enjoyed it, even if the beach sucked, I got slightly sunburned, we had to leave extremely early, and I didn't take any pictures when I should have. I haven't been taking pictures of anything lately. Slump indeed.
It was nice to have had spent a little time with my mom this weekend. We made "banana boats" and watched Cloverfeild and Mad Money. Next weekend I think we'll be going to spend a day at Universal. Hooray!
It was raining a few minitues ago and I know I'm going to have trouble sleeping. It's almost 1 and I don't feel it at all.

Shiny Bright

These past couple of days haven't been the best, but I've survived far worse.
Yesterday I arrived at school late because my mom had turned off my alarm clock. Figures. I had a very long discussion with my history teacher about how I'm brilliant but not focused, capable but not willing, blah blah blah. He always seems to talk forever. He went on about my mother, too. I guess I'm starting to understand why she's the way she is sometimes, but she really can't accept that I'm not a small child any more. I also talked to him about my aspirations to be a youth minister. He referred me to my anatomy teacher, a former youth minister.
Unfortunately, I had missed my curfew last night without calling my mother, so my car has been taken away from being used for recreational purposes for I have no idea how long. I'm starting to understand, though, so it seems kind of fair. I've decided to start caring a little more, just for her.
I was late to school again, but I really don't care. I had lost my keys and spent the first two hours of my morning looking for them. It's the end of the year, so it doesn't really matter.
We had a fiesta in Spanish class today and no one really ate the chili I stayed up to make last night. Oh well.
Tomorrow exams start. Fortunately I'm exempt, so Zach and I will probably check ourselves out early to go get Taco Bell or something. I think I want to start practicing teaching the Bible on Zach. Might be fun. Though, I do need to get together that group for the summer. I'll get phone numbers tomorrow, and I should get a hold of Marcy! Hurrah!

Vinyl toys and Ima Robot are the best.
I look weird in pink nail polish... or rather, anything girly.
Getting closer to finishing the sock creature.
Daisy buttons!
Sleepy me.
Night.

I Wanna Be A Joel When I Grow Up

Yesterday wasn't all that epic, but it was still good. I drove over to Jensen with my mom and our first stop was Barnes & Noble, where they had crazy amounts of cupcake, baking, sewing, and origami kits and books that I wanted. Amazing. But we ended up getting a dang cool book about how to make neat things with cookie dough and this sock-creature making kit. The latter is my favourite; Zach and I started on one today and I'm stitching part of it now as I wait for Joel to get on instant messenger.
(blogspot is being gay again.)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaylaeff/2530359280/
Then she and I went to the mall to return my birthday/Christmas gifts from my cousin at Hottopic. Yay for amazing Slayer and Iron Maiden (it has vikings on it!!!!) shirts aaaaand the Early from the Squidbillies toy by KidRobot x Adult Swim. KidRobot is the best. EVER. Wetzel's Pretzels and the gumball machines at that mall are my new favourites.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaylaeff/2530357472/
Here's stuff I got Saturday.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaylaeff/2530354980/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaylaeff/2530353012/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaylaeff/2529534119/
And here's the anklet I finished for mom.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaylaeff/2530350874/
Today I stayed home from school for feminine reasons. It was pretty great. As I was writing a paper for my a.p. history class, God told me what he wants me to do with my life. It's kind of weird that he just put it in my head the way he did, but it was perfect timing. Youth minister. Although I don't know of any female youth ministers that exist, or if it's even possible, but I'll make it happen. Just call me Francois.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaylaeff/2530404312/
(self portrait Tuesday!) Anyway, being a youth minister would allow me to be as creative as I want, and still use psychology, which my mother is still making me go for. I guess she won't be happy unless I'm making more money than her. Oh well, this idea is better than any of the ones that I've had. I'm so excited and I know I could put all of my talents and new found loves of certain hobbies to good use. It's funny to think, though, I used to hate kids and talking. I'm glad I'm getting over that so quickly.
But that was the highlight of my day. I spent the rest of it taking Zach to the doctor and watching him be baffled by his sewing machine. I love hand-stitching though. He and I have tons of ideas for our Etsy and I can't wait to get it started. We'll probably have everything set up within the next couple weeks, or at least I'm hoping.
Anyway, back to sewing!

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.”- Acts 20:24

1-888-956-7273

I never cleaned my room and I don't know where my mom's anklet went to. I still haven't finished it. Though, my mom gave me some of her old clothes. They'll all come in handy.
Today we went to Downtown West Palm Beach. I got a pair of shoes, an 'instant cup of flowers' (daisies!), some 'complaint' and 'just thought you should know' sticky notes, and tea tree therapy anticeptic cream and shea butter with lavender for my hives (which are working out pretty well so far). I really want some type of patchuli incence for my room.
I've been having some sinus problems, and I probably should've picked something up for that too. Yesterday I had some pretty bad nose bleeds, and I'm not sure why.
Zach and I are coming up with some pretty amazing ideas for our Etsy account. We need to make a paypal account and I've decided that I want to take pictures, acting out major happenings in my life; my way of coming out with some things I went through without having to explain anything.
I've been pretty bummed out today. I miss a lot of things, a lot of friends. Things are a lot different now, and I'm starting to see why I do and say the things that always seem to mess everything up, even more so now than I did before. Somehow, everything always leads up to my parents, haha. I looked though my old photobucket account, and 2006 was a good year. I miss it.
I'm really starting to lose who I am again due to my complete lack of motivation to do anything. I don't really know what I want right now.
I'm hungry and I'm tired and I hate having an unkept room. I think I'll sleep it all off.

Isle Of Her

Yesterday was pretty cool minus the heat. Everybody was pretty excited about class day and before the dodgeball tournament, there was some wierd belly dancer girl dancing to Mexican music. Zach and I decided that Cory would look so much better doing it. I'm excited to finally be a senior, but I don't think I'd want the end of the year to come. I have a feeling that next year has a lot of surprises waiting for me.
My mom had her first "date" with her "boyfriend" of 2 years, so she was gone from about 7 last night until 9 this morning. I decided to go to Zach's to hang out with him and his mom and watch a couple movies. I enjoyed it and I'm pretty amazed with myself and my sneaking out skills. I'm always able to get so much past her.
It was rainy all day today so I literally laid in bed for the entire day. It was good to catch up on my sleep, but it felt kind of wrong not being productive. Hopefully it'll be enough to get me through this last week and a half of school.
I think I'll use the rest of my day to clean my room and run a couple errands, maybe make a couple bracelets too. They'll probably be the first things that Zach and I put on our Etsy. We really need to get that going.
I also need to find a camo shirt to make a 'seniors '09' shirt for Tuesday. Exams start Friday and I won't have to take 3 of the 7. Yay! This week, I really need to get together the beginnings of a group for Bible Study club and meet with Mr. Matchett. I think I'll make a list.
Well, more later.

Good Song, Amazing Video

I hope this resembles my summer.

High School Low

It feels later than it really is. I didn't do anything worth noting today other than turning in my paper and making a shirt of which I'll post pictures of tomorrow.
Zach and I found little boys Spiderman pajama pants to make into sleeves and sew on to a shirt that'll be dyed red to mach. Hopefully Zach will have the courage to do it soon.
I'm pretty excited about tomorrow, this summer, next school year, the future.
Tomorrow is class day! I'll officially be a senior and miss a bunch of my classes. Definitely something to look forward to.
I asked Mr. Matchett about having a Bible study club next year at school and he said he'd be happy to support me, but due to the separation of church and state, I'd have to run everything myself. I don't have a problem with that though.
I've been pretty confused about something for a while. Why are there different Church denominations? I mean, I understand that each one holds different beliefs, but 1 Corinthians 1:10 says “[Divisions in the Church] I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.” It all seems to be based off of ignorance.
Anyway, today's verse is:
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.”- Galatians 5:13
Bed time.

Getting Better All The Time

I don't really remember much about Monday or Tuesday. I've really been slacking.

All I've really been doingis running errands and making this shirt:I really like how it came out. Also, I never posted pictures of my art club shirt. I need to go back over the flowers again.The larger sizes on my Flickr look better. I think I want to make more ones with verses. I'm really enjoying it.

Hmm... I caught a spider yesterday. That was pretty epic. I also stood in line to buy one bag of cat litter for 40 minutes at WalMart. I ended up buying more bubblegum and a cooking magazine that I had enough time to entirely read, as well.

I'm going to start cooking as much as possible. I think I want to get a lunchbox next year and make myself lunches... and not boring sandwich ones either. I want to make a salmon thing this weekend. My mom should make me biscuits and gravy.

Kathleen's going to teach me how to make some pretty sweet bracelets, too.

10 more days left of school! I'm so excited. I really haven't been keeping up with anything schoolwise. I need to wake up early tomorrow and write a paper for my AP history class. I had a test in that class that I'm pretty sure I failed unless everyone else did poorly. Curves can be pretty amazing. I wish my anatomy teacher curved test grades. I think I missed quite a few on that test today too.

Yesterday I took a few pictures, when I was dyeing my shirt, that are all on my Flickr. I think this one is my favourite.

Zach and I are going to make some masks to match the leopard, lion, and she-wolf that are in The Divine Comedy. Zach checked it out for me from the public library since I've never had a library card and I'm not old enough to get one. On my 18th birthday, I want to go to get a library card, a blockbuster card, and a checking account.

I can't stop colouring and I need to go to bed. Pray for Zach, he's sick.

Night.

... And Does Anything I Say Seem Relevant At All?

(postsecret.com)

Saturday my mom was out of town for the whole day and I really didn't have much to do. For the most part, I just sat around all day then visited Zach and went to WalMart/GoodWill. Fabric dye, Batman band aids, sharpies, TLC 'Waterfalls' single, watermelon bubblegum, and a few shirts. Watermelon bubblegum and Batman are my new favourites. Cartoon Network showed two movies with Batman, one with both Batman and Scooby Doo! Old Scooby Doo's are the best.

I was pretty upset that I didn't do much, but then I decided that I probably should just appreciate the opportunity to relax. There's so many things that I want to get done and so many things that my mother and school require me to do that I often overwhelm myself and end up not doing anything. This weekend I think I should devote a few hours to looking some things up in the Bible.

Yesterday, I did a lot of chores and ran some errands with my mom. I always hate it when she criticizes how I drive. The day ended with making chili and cupcake cones. I'm beginning to think that it might be a good idea just to stay here for a while. God will lead me to where I need to go, I guess.

Today, not only was I on time to school, but I got a lot of errands done. Although, I didn't do a lot of what I wanted to, I probably shouldn't think about that. Zach and I went to the library and he checked me out The Divine Comedy since I can't get a card yet myself. I'm pretty excited about starting it.

I can't wait until school's out. Two more weeks! Life will seem so much better.
I want to rent as many movies as I can find with Lillian Gish.

It's time to embrace Summer.

Elephantine

I have a headache and I feel pretty tired. My hives are continuously spreading and I can't seem to find any good cures on the internet.

I don't recall mentioning the sheep heart dissection in anatomy on Wednesday. I was allowed to sit out, so there's not much to say about it. Though, a cross section was shoved in my face and it looked rather steak-like. It was covered in fat and really gross.

Yesterday I served my extended day, meaning I stayed 2 hours after school, ridding the ENTIRE campus of trash. The temperature must have at least reached 95 and I don't think I've felt that dehydrated in over 3 years. The punishment feels a little illegal, but it's definitely effective.

Today I got to school on time, but the shoes I wore made blisters on my heels; I've realized most of my shoes do this. I wasn't able to turn in any of my assignments because I didn't do them, but it didn't really bother me. I got to spend a little time with Zach after completing tons of chores. Taco Bell has a pretty sweet new slushie thing deal. I recomend the mango one.

I found a bracelet that I had made in middle school. Rainbow flowers are where it's at.

I'm starting to collect things in a cardboard box that were either given to me by friends or extended family, or that I bought myself. It'll make things more convinient when I want to leave in December.

It made me laugh when my mom came home crying because she was tired. If only she knew.

My mind never sleeps.

I want to read the original Bram Stoker's Dracula, rent monster movies, apply for a library card, get a job at GoodWill, plant a garden, find a good sea salt scrub, make a wind chime out of sea shells and a dream catcher, buy silly temporary tattoos and designate one for each and every day, go to Disney and buy tons of merchandise, alter clothing from thrift stores, find ink and a screen and start screen printing, buy sidewalk chalk and spray paint to write inspiring messages on things in town with, make tons of different kinds of rainbow bracelets, go to every museum in the state, make decorative cupcake cones, find a decayed spot and take self-portraits, make whatever comes to mind out of polymer modeling clay, find tons of different masks, buy a lomography fisheye camera, learn to cook something that is really difficult to cook, buy lawn flamingos and take pictures of them in peculiar spots, write a song on one of my guitars, tie dye anything and everything in every colour possible, make a flock of origami birds with flower-printed paper, paint and make necklaces out of sea shells, find heart-shaped sunglasses, fix up the vintage alarm clock I found in my shed, paint my nails something other than black, sleep.

My God knows just how to quiet my busy mind and set my restless soul at ease.

"... He will rejoice over you..." ... and he does.

"... You'd Leave With Nothing"

In the end, my life's never turned out the way I wanted it to.
I don't know whether to let go and let my mother make all of my decisions for me, when I long for self-sufficience more than anything; or fight back, even though the effort would be futile, my labors bearing unfruitful.
It bothers me that she insists that this house and everything in it is hers, when it, and most of my things, were bought for me by my father. I'm starting to wonder how life would living with him compare.
I'm considering moving in with Zach and his family this December. I don't really know how that would turn out. I'll be praying.
It bothers me that she also insists that she is right about everything and that she knows everything. There has yet to be anything as far-fetched to reach my ears. Sometimes I wonder if she realizes how self-indulgent she is in her game of playing God with her only child. For the most part, I believe she is without God, only pretending to set an example.
I don't think I'll ever be perfect enough, alone enough, smart enough, nor as willing as she'd want me to be. She purposely makes me feel devalued every time we fight. I'm beginning to get more hives from this stress.
I want to make a shirt with Mathew 10:31 and sparrows.
I'm starting to read Ecclesiastes 11. Verses 7 through 10 are my favourites.
"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. But let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless. Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless." Ecclesiastes 11:7-10
I'm glad I put up reminders around my room. Instead of letting go and letting mother, I think it's best if I let go and let God.
All I really want now to keep my mind at bay is a garden.

Whoops

I haven't updated this in a while. I had a busy weekend, kind of.
Saturday my mother and I took her car to get serviced and have her actuator looked at. She had to come home with a loaner car for the week and she's pretty upset about that. She always complains about having to miss work... slash she complains about everything involving money. She worries too much and it doesn't change no matter how much I pray. It's really discouraging.
From the Lexus dealership we went to the Sawgrass Mills mall and got a few things. It's funny how the only things that ever appeals to me when I'm shopping are dresses haha. We had stopped to get smoothies and ran into my my mother's sister's family, so we went to visit them after dinner. We went to The Melting Pot for an early Mothers' Day dinner, which took forever to complete. My mother and I stayed at my aunt's house until midnight and didn't get home until about 2 am, my excuse for not updating Saturday. It was a decent day overall.
Sunday my mom had realized that she forgot her work keys in her car at the dealership, so she spent all morning retrieving them. When she got back, I drove us over to the beach in Jenson where we stayed for a couple hours. The water was the calmest and clearest I've ever seen an ocean look. It looked like one giant piece of glass and that piece of glass brought a lot of peace looking into it... or at least until mullet fish started swimming toward me. I hate my fear of fish. My fears seem almost absurd at times. Afterwards, we went to the mall to get new flip flops. Sometimes that area seems like such a nice place to live, but I think I'd much rather move to a place that already feels like home.
My cousin and I have decided to room together at Nova, since she's going as well. Although, she's a year behind me. I'll just worry about that when the time comes to move.
While I was there, my aunt gave me my birthday present since I hadn't seen them in about a year. It was a bunch of stuff from Hottopic and I was pretty amused. My interests have changed so much and so fast, I have no idea how anyone is able to keep up. The only sound satisfaction I've found thus far is Him, and I guess it's supposed to be that way.
My mom didn't seem to be that happy with her Mothers' Day present, but I liked it a lot.
(the website is being incredibly gay and won't let me add any pictures, so I'll just be adding links)
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2197/2493300983_5f26de08b2.jpg?v=0
My mother bought me a new clothing iron, so I finished my art club shirt. The tie dye didn't work out the way I wanted it to in the beginning, so I just tie dyed the whole thing. I really like it, I just want to make the colors brighter, so I'll take pictures of it when I do so.
I also put a bunch of new music up too... well, it's mostly The Acorn, but I love it.
Monday I sat around all day. I don't really like sitting around any more. But I was late to school that day... like 2.5 hours late haha. I'm tired of school.
I also tried to get another application from GoodWill, but the lady, who didn't speak very good English, said that there wasn't any. I think she was lying.
Yesterday Zach and I finally opened our Etsy account! Yay! We'll start posting things on it soon. The fees kind of suck, but I know it'll be a lot of fun.
At school, my flip flop broke, so I had to hobble to 3 dollar parking lot like an idiot. No fun.
It was self portrait Tuesday and I didn't take a picture. Bummout.
When I was at Zach's house that day, they got a phone call that (I guess) D.C.F. was going to take Zach's little adopted sister away from his family and give her back to her terrible mother who was just released from prison. It made me really sad to see Zach cry the way he did. I told my mom about it and she reminded me of when I was about to turn 3 and she got arrested for cocaine and a D.U.I.. I really don't know what would have happened to me if I didn't grow up with my own parents. Also, I don't really know how the officials could say that she won't remember this because she's too young. I remember my mother being taken away and having to stay with my grandparents. It's all just really upsetting. She means so much to them.
Today was pretty crazy. I was late to school again and was called up to the dean's office where I almost got expelled for all my tardies. I love Mrs. Cantral, even though I still have to have an "extended day". I don't feel like spending an extra two hours at school, picking up trash with my anatomy teacher.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2096/2494119780_2ace15d683.jpg?v=0
I am always late to everything and I never get anything accomplished any more. That's about to change.
Mom asked me if I was sexually active for the first time today. It was so awkward... I loved it. Funniest thing EVER.
I love keeping up with the Johnny Cupcakes blog. He wears his own clothing too, which is pretty neat. I want to make some sort of clothing label the way he did. It always looks like so much fun and he takes some pretty neat pictures sometimes.
I want to do something that gets noticed. I want to do something that stands out. I have no motivation with the exception of these wants. Sometimes I think that my wants are unattainable for me because of this.
There's other little things I could discuss, but I've been working on this one update for a couple days and it's been at least 4 since I've last updated anything at all, so it's time to post this thing.

Words To Live By

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”- Proverbs 31:30

I'll have an update in the morning.

Don't Get So Uptight

I want to recreate this picture.

It's A Story That Makes Everybody Sad

I really didn't do much yesterday... again. But that's okay because I had to take the a.p. national u.s. history exam (which I was late for!) and I didn't really want to do anything. That is the hardest test I ever plan on taking; 80 multiple choices and 3 essays. It took pretty much all day, so I plan on relaxing for the whole weekend.
Zach and I went to see the school play last night. They said it was their best preformance. I think I'll go again tonight if I can make it.
My mom's had quite the attitude lately. I really hope God helps her soon. She depends on no one but herself, and she's proud of that.
I've got a lot of things to figure out. Maybe I can convince my mom to take me to Nova's library so I can read the Bible a little since we're going to Ft. Lauderdale today. I find such peace in my future home.
I thank God for Joel everyday. I really don't know where I'd be without him.

Untitled

For the past two days I haven't done much, but enough to keep me content. Yesterday I made this sweet rainbow bracelet from thread and elastic to make part of it stretchy enough to fit over my hand.

I also went to GoodWill with Zach to get his shirt for art club and I picked up a few more tapes for my car. I'm pretty stoked about the B52s one.

I've had this awkward happiness feeling in my gut and I don't know what God wants me to do right now. I guess I have to test it out to see if it's worth holding on to. It feels so strange though; I've never felt this sort of happiness before. I really just want to know the outcome of everything for the next few years so I know what to do with my life.
I put up some prayers on my prayer wall and put some in my prayer box, and ran a few errands.
Today we made shirts in art club. They all look so great. I'll post pictures of mine once I get it finished. Afterwards I took a short nap and some pictures of the back yard.
Andrew is dumb so I had to help him move out of his house, but in return he and Zach helped me make some charoset for tomorrow. I'll sure need it with that a.p. national exam that's scheduled to take up over half of my day.
I found the tabs for Kissing The Lipless by The Shins and I think I want to try it out tomorrow. If it works, I'll probably do a couple more.
Pictures will be taken tomorrow! I just hope a good setting isn't hard to get at.
I'm so hungry and I really need to get to bed. 5:30 am tomorrow!

Mac & cheese time!

2012

It's been a good day, but in a strange way. But I'm happy, in a way I haven't ever been... and it feels good.
I'll type about today when I wake up in the morning.
I'm waiting for my mom to come home from a Kid Rock concert and it's almost 1 am.
I don't know if I can sleep without her here. I feel so vulnerable sleeping in an empty house.

Soul Seeker

There are...

7 months until I turn 18.

13 months until I graduate high school.

39 months until I leave for 954.

... and I'm excited.

God's starting to restore the desire to go out and do things, thankfully. I REALLY need to find a way to not be tired every second of my life. It's super frustrating.

I had a terrible migraine today, so I didn't get much done. Actually, the only thing I got done was getting a sandwich. Well, aside from the tiny bit of laundry I did. I need to start using that planner again and do tons of things!

Tomorrow I want to go to GoodWill and buy/alter some things, wash my car, rent a couple movies, study for my a.p. exam, clean my room, and find a good place and take pictures.

These phases of being happy and not being happy with my life are really confusing. Maybe I should pray more. I want to read the Bible more, too. At art club Thursday, I'm going to present the idea of a Bible study group for the summer to the members.

I need a job really bad too. I filled out my application for GoodWill today, so I'll try to remember to return it to GoodWill.

I really can't wait to go to the beach again this weekend. I had forgotten how relaxing it is... I just need to remember to use the proper sunscreen haha.

Only one more month until the summer! I want to read the original Bram Stoker's Dracula; I didn't really understand it when I read it in 6th grade.

There are so many things I want to do now. I'll pray for them. I love being excited about living.

I pulled out one of my guitars today. I forgot how beautiful it sounds. (Self Portrait Tuesday #3)

My mom showed me some pictures from the 60's and I took some pictures of the "backyard".

Old septic tanks are nasty and they smell funny.

I want to draw again. I'm really inspired by these. We're having a lot of difficulty with the screenprinting in art, but we'll be making club shirts Thursday... somehow.

I'm really confused by today's verse; “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”- James 5:16

Does that mean we have to go to confessional? I'm so confused. Maybe I'll make some time to call Joel tomorrow, too.

It's bed time, though.

Night.

I Truely Am Unbrakable

Today's verse was definitely meant for me;

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”- Philippians 4:6-7

Anxiety is probably the biggest problem I face. Another thing to add onto my prayer list.

In fact, I made a prayer wall tonight and put it next to my sketch from last week. I put a few up so far.

I don't really know what inspired me to make this, but I think I'll change out the big prayer notes with smaller ones so I can fit more in the space provided. I really like it though; it'll help me remember things.

I'm constantly amazed at the change and progress I've, or rather, God made within myself. I'm so happy that He's putting things together for me.

School was kind of strange today. I got a D on my anatomy test, something that doesn't happen often, and a friend of mine in my Spanish class asked me to the military ball. I'm terrible at rejecting people; I hate it.

Zach and I really didn't get much accomplished either. No errands, just a Taco Bell box and a moneyless trip to GoodWill. I found a couple more tapes. We'll need to go back soon.

Tomorrow he and I'll be taking pictures for self portrait Tuesday. I really need to see Bradley/Clayton/Kathleen/Sarah soon.
Mothers' day is soon. I plan on finishing this since I don't have any money.

I need to become more social and keep myself busy. Next year I think I want to join a new school club or two and this summer I want to start a bible study group. I'm starting to highlight some of my favourite verses that I think I can teach from in the Bible Joel and Josh got me. I plan on starting out with a group of people I'm comfortable with, probably a few girls from art club and Zach, before I start branching out. I may not move at a fast pace, but I get the job done.

I really wish I could talk to Joel more. I want a little guidance with it all.

Well it's past midnight. More tomorrow :)

Too Many Thorns

So I haven't felt like typing these lately, although I really need to. I really need to get back to doing everything. I need to cook more, clean more, and do more assignments. I need to do everything more.
Yesterday I got the bulbs in my tail lights replaced and I also sanded and resurfaced my headlights all by myself! I rule. (before/after)
For the most part, I just sat around yesterday. There were some entertaining things on T.V., though. But I did make chili and give it to my dad. I don't think I'll ever love my father, even if I should. Self-pity is annoying and I don't like being told that remodeling the house is pointless because I'm going to get pregnant and run off with a "gypsy boy". I'll pray about it.

I took a short jog last night, too. Even if it was extremely short and it was during the evening, I enjoyed it. I probably should have been carrying mase haha.

The argue with I had with my mother when I had come home is starting to make me wonder how I could've possibly come from the parents that I have. Seven more months and I won't have to put up with my mother's agressiveness and telling God to damn me. Sometimes I truely think that Satan also impregnated a women with his spawn and the product is my mother.

Watching I Am Ledgend with her wasn't that bad, though... because she was asleep haha. It was a pretty good movie, but no where near original. Better movies should be made.

Today I went to the beach! My legs got terribly sunburnt and I decided that SPF 4 is not sufficient enough. The water was really nice, though. Ow!

Best mother-daughter bonding time is when we don't speak to eachother. She let me drive again, so I'm hoping I'll be able to drive out of town by myself soon. We went to Micheal's too! So Zach and I are probably going to be making crafty whatnot sometime.
I want to start a prayer group really bad right now. I also want this shirt really bad hahah

Tomorrow should be a busy day! I want to get as many things accomplished as possible.
Ice cream then off to bed!

P.S. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!