"... You'd Leave With Nothing"

In the end, my life's never turned out the way I wanted it to.
I don't know whether to let go and let my mother make all of my decisions for me, when I long for self-sufficience more than anything; or fight back, even though the effort would be futile, my labors bearing unfruitful.
It bothers me that she insists that this house and everything in it is hers, when it, and most of my things, were bought for me by my father. I'm starting to wonder how life would living with him compare.
I'm considering moving in with Zach and his family this December. I don't really know how that would turn out. I'll be praying.
It bothers me that she also insists that she is right about everything and that she knows everything. There has yet to be anything as far-fetched to reach my ears. Sometimes I wonder if she realizes how self-indulgent she is in her game of playing God with her only child. For the most part, I believe she is without God, only pretending to set an example.
I don't think I'll ever be perfect enough, alone enough, smart enough, nor as willing as she'd want me to be. She purposely makes me feel devalued every time we fight. I'm beginning to get more hives from this stress.
I want to make a shirt with Mathew 10:31 and sparrows.
I'm starting to read Ecclesiastes 11. Verses 7 through 10 are my favourites.
"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. But let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless. Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless." Ecclesiastes 11:7-10
I'm glad I put up reminders around my room. Instead of letting go and letting mother, I think it's best if I let go and let God.
All I really want now to keep my mind at bay is a garden.